Boobs vs. guns: Miley Cyrus has a point

Miley Cyrus on Marie Claire cover, Sept. 2015

Boobs are great. They boast the rare combination of being both powerful and innocent. They’re sexy yet maternal. They’re as unique as the personalities to which they’re connected. They’re a beautiful factor that both unifies and diversifies women and, quite frankly, they’re something we should be proud of. We should embrace our breasts as we should embrace our entire physical beings. The alternative, of course, is self-hate and insecurity.

And yet…

Many of you will laugh, gape in disgust or shake your heads in disbelief as you read my declarative appreciation of my tits, her tits – our tits. For some strange reason, our culture has become uncomfortable with breasts, choosing to hide and shame rather than glorify them – or talk about them at all.

While I’ve long thought this is an issue, and that the inequality regarding male vs. female toplessness is skewed, it’s Miley Cyrus that really got me thinking this week. (Please don’t let that stop you from reading on.)

In a recent interview for September 2015’s issue of Marie Claire, Cyrus took a jab at Taylor Swift’s VMA-nominated “Bad Blood” video. Specifically, she noted the guns and violence, which create the video’s overall theme of fiery revenge. And while many will write off Cyrus’ comments simply because she’s the one who said them, there is actually great validity in the point being made:

"I don't get the violence revenge thing," said Cyrus, 22. "That's supposed to be a good example? And I'm a bad role model because I'm running around with my [breasts] out? I'm not sure how [breasts] are worse than guns."

If you remember, Cyrus released “Wrecking Ball” in 2013 – the video for which features a naked Cyrus riding a swinging wrecking ball, crying and singing in heartfelt fashion. She was shamed for it. People laughed at it. The video was tagged “weird,” “bizarre” and “inappropriate.”

It’s true that the means in which Cyrus and Swift carry themselves in everyday life (or at least as far as we know) helps to create merit for one and disrespect for the other. I – like many – found Cyrus’s twerking-fest with Robin Thicke (for example) to be both stupid and gag-inducing. I associate her with oftentimes reckless and immature behavior. But that doesn’t mean Cyrus doesn’t have a point here.

Our culture has become numb to the violence – both with and without guns – that appears in our fictional outlets. Guns are everywhere. Many of us didn’t bat an eye at the violence featured in Swift’s recent music video. Not to mention, television characters are violently injured or killed all the time. We’ve become accustomed to it and even flock to watch movies and shows in which we know we’ll see fighting, war or just a regular daily dose of gun violence. There’s not even acknowledgment – let alone mourning – for many characters slain in the scenes that play before us. Consider robberies, battle scenes, invasions. These are all normal at this point.

On the contrary, boobs are censored on most televised channels. Cyrus was criticized immensely for the nudity in her video and, to be honest, I get a little uncomfortable when topless women appear on screen when say, I don’t know, I’m watching TV with my father. But why? Why have we come to regard boobs as inappropriate and worth hiding, while we give little thought to guns and general violence?

Cyrus is right. Our thinking is backwards.

I’m not saying that I encourage women to run around without tops on (not that it would hurt anyone if they did). What I am saying, however, is that a woman without a top should not be the more shameful of the two things – should not be the one dubbed inappropriate. Boobs are natural and innocent. Guns are used for hurting and killing. And we embrace the latter as a piece of our culture? And shamefully hide the former?

Let’s consider the two things translated into real life circumstances: would we rather come across guns in action? Those fights we so readily accept on television, in music videos and in games – would we like to see those in the flesh? Or would we rather have an encounter with a topless woman? Which, I ask, is the more inappropriate? More offensive? Which one is worse?

Let’s forget how we’ve thought about boobs up until this point. Let’s forget that – for whatever reason – people have decided to craft a taboo against a woman’s bare chest. Let’s put our thinking into perspective here and realize that, if we’re going to embrace one of these two things (boobs or guns) that the safe and logical choice is the one we haven’t been making all this time. Let’s admit that Cyrus has a valid point and accept boobs over guns forever more.

Why I Won’t Show My Engagement Ring on Social Media

Another day, another unpopular opinion. This piece originally appeared on Skirt Collective.

Why I Won’t Show My Engagement Ring on Social Media

As I’ve advanced into my twenties, the “I SAID YES!” posts have become ever-present on my social media news feeds. New engagements are born weekly, or so it seems. More often than not, the excited caption is paired with a photo: the couple, wide smiles glowing, or a man on his knee, the woman crying into her hands. And then, of course, there’s the ring.

It’s commonplace for couples to upload photos of the diamond, displaying the jewel on every possible outlet. Facebook. Instagram. Group text messages. The diamond is everywhere.

The news of the engagement, it seems, is not complete without the glowing rock to show for it. And this isn’t for nothing – people notice it. Many people want to see the offering that’s changed everything. I have friends who, upon hearing of someone’s engagement, ask immediately of the ring: “What’s it look like? Is the diamond big? Princess cut?” It’s the first thing that comes to mind – the main point of interest.

When I get engaged, I won’t upload such photos to my social media pages. This decision has nothing to do with embarrassment, fear of judgment or anything else related to other peoples’ reactions. It will have to do with me. It will have to do with my fiancé. It will have to do with our bond.

I know some people will find this stance offensive – they’ll think I’m insulting all women who have and will post pictures of their rings online. Some will think I’m acting upon a lingering jealousy – envy of expensive jewels or engagements in general. I’m not. That’s false. It’s simply a matter of principle: my engagement won’t be about a ring; it will be about love.

The emphasis placed upon engagement rings is, in my opinion, unhealthy and a perfect example of society’s obsession with material things. We’ve taken something as beautiful and romantic as a wedding proposal, and spun it to be entirely about a piece of jewelry: something concrete with an exact, measurable worth.

To me, a lifelong commitment is worth applauding. It’s worth praise and admiration. It may not have a price, but that’s what makes it so beautiful. Throwing an expensive, store-bought item into the equation – and giving it more worth than the relationship itself – is unnecessary. It’s the love that should be showcased, not the rock.

Our obsession with rings also adds a strange, competitive element to the entire engagement process. Not only are people judging the overall quality of one’s ring and all things that go along with someone’s “ring budget,” but they’re also comparing it to others they’ve seen, or the one they wear on their very own finger. Love should never be a competition, and yet some continue to think that a better ring reflects a better bond, a better situation and a better life in general.

They confuse love and jewelry – two things that are far from being synonymous. A couple with a tin ring could be monumentally happier than a couple in which a 14-carat diamond was exchanged.

We can’t determine a relationship’s quality by something as financially based as a diamond. But when we consistently pair the news of a wedding proposal with a specific type of image – one of a ring – we invite such comparisons.

Posting these pictures tarnishes the entire beauty of a committed promise to love someone else forever. So when I get engaged, I’ll let the outside world know that my partner loves me, wants to be with me forever and has taken a step toward a lifelong commitment. I won’t brag about the band he slipped onto my finger because, as far as our love goes, the appearance, dimensions and glow-factor of my ring will be entirely irrelevant.